I felt like this weeks topic of discussion could have been planned for me. I'm watching my husband deal with some serious burnout and question everything he thought he wanted in his work life, the uncertainty in him was palpable over the 4 days before this weeks session.
William Kentridge said of his animated drawings that he likes that he can make fragments and that they show the process of thinking. He describes it as a means of making sense of the world. The making is a process of discovery.
I was fascinated by his statement that there is a "desperation in all certainty". He described how when you are certain your voice gets louder and you become more authoritarian; to the point where you will bring an army to stand beside you, you are so certain. I was thinking of myself and how I usually feel pretty uncertain, but I'm very good at projecting an image of certainty. I'd like to stop doing this and more readily admit when I'm uncertain.
When thinking about uncertainty in my work my first thought was that I like the uncertainty, if I knew exactly how something was going to turn out before I started it then there would be no point in doing it. I can never understand printmakers who design a print on a computer, do all the colour separations and then print exactly what they've planned, to my mind it takes all the fun out of it. I do a lot of the decision making along the way, responding to the progress I've made. I presume most painters work in this way too. You have a plan, or at least a vague idea but you don't know exactly where it's going to lead and that's half the fun! I embrace the uncertainty and potential at the beginning of a print. The print unfolds as it progresses.
The other thing that Kentridge spoke about was the split between the artist as a viewer and a maker. I think as a printmaker working in layers there are very clearly defined times when I'm a viewer, I sound a lot of time looking at a print after each layer. The viewing then informs the making of the next layer, or in the process of an etching each stage needs test printing to inform what further work the plate needs.
The split is very obvious in art, it's less obvious in the rest of life. I do sometimes feel that I'm so busy trying to do everything I fail to stand back and view our life as a family. It's hard to fully see the bigger picture sometimes as time ticks on and everything seems to demand so much time. I'm seeing the pause Chas is taking as an opportunity to ask some big questions, to stand back and try to look a little. To question exactly what we want life to look like. I do have one small problem which is that I'm a complete hypocrite when it comes to suggesting that he work less and spend more time doing the things he enjoys and with the children. My first thought is that if he's doing that then I can work more! The difference is that I adore what I do and have no stressors that aren't pretty much self inflicted. His work life on the other hand is pure stress coming form other people.
Kentridge's idea of a walking collage of fragments is fascinating and makes me think of all the different roles we all play within our own lives - wife, mother, daughter, dog owner, friend, sister, housekeeper, administrator, laundry maid, shopper, chef, family manager, printmaker, print group member, student, general dogsbody, feminist, patient..... the list is endless (and in no particular order). I like the idea of my work being a walking collage of fragments in two different ways, through time as my skills have progressed and through space as I've turned my focus on different places and subjects.
Shirin said something that feels very important - Are you asking a question or giving an answer (in your work)? This is something I need to muse over further.
